[He shrugs!! He supposes that's true but. He just sips at the hot cocoa sullenly, before sinking to a crouch so he can put it down and pull out his phone. He sends Mabel a text.]
Where did you get the idea to force yourself to not be sad?
[ she blinks and pulls out her phone to check her texts, surprised. ]
Oh! Is this because you're still doing that rhyming thing? [ then in that case, she probably doesn't need to text back, right? ]
Mmmm...a lot of places, I guess! But...I don't like crying all the time and making everyone else mad because of it! And I can't even help with anything, if I'm just sad all the time. So I fixed it!
Things would have been a lot easier for me if I could've done that at home. But the idea of not being sad, of not crying for my father and my brother. It just feels wrong. Can't you see that?
[ she shrugs. Like, maybe? Crying over dead friends IS pretty normal, but... ]
But I wanna help! I wanna help fix all this and stop people from getting murdered, instead of just crying when they do. I only ever mess things up and make people hate me, or think I can't handle doing anything to help.
And maybe they're right! If I'm not crying and ticking people off, I can focus on actually doing stuff! And...isn't that better, in the end? Finding a way to stop this?
[ now, normally, this would make Mabel upset. she might start to cry. but all of those feeling receptors have been shut off, and there's nowhere for her mind to go now but anger. ]
Well, maybe the Mabel you became friends with was a bad person!
[ ...oh. that's right, isn't it. when they went on that invest together at the start of all this and couldn't find anything. the way he keeps getting mad and starting arguments in trial. it really is the same thing, isn't it?
Mabel...doesn't know what to do with that.
By this point, she hates the parts of herself that are so sensitive, so quick to act on emotion and nothing else, and she's glad to be free of them...but she can't bring herself to see those same things negatively in Tsuyukusa.
Emotionally, she's going haywire now. She has no idea what she's feeling. But her voice is weak when she tries to protest-- ]
[Thank god for emotionshare, honestly, because it's the only thing that keeps him from snapping at her more. Instead, he makes a face, but then turns away, trying to calm down. Mabel is scared, she's trying to help the same as him, only to find herself mostly unable.
After a long moment, he composes himself.]
I'm not saying I don't understand your impulse. But you saw how everyone reacted, right? No one wanted you to have done that.
[ mabel can't cry but know that i, lisa, definitely am. in the club.
she groans and drags her hands down her face, frustration starting to stand out a little more prominently against the backdrop of absolute emotional confusion. ]
I don't get it! Me being sad was a problem for everyone! Now me not being sad is a problem too?!
[ then she immediately recoils, oozing guilt. she didn't mean to snap. she scrubs at her face to calm down, but the frustration rises again as she talks. Not at Tsuyukusa--at herself. ]
...Caiman was gonna get voted for and killed no matter what. All I did was make people angrier before they did the thing they were always going to do.
[UGGHHH HE IS SO MAD!! He is so frustrated!! And it's not like he doesn't understand what Mabel is saying but it just makes him mad at himself because he KNOWS he does this sort of logic too. And seeing it from outside it's so obviously stupid.]
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2021-07-11 03:54 am (UTC)None of what happened in there was fair.
no subject
Date: 2021-07-11 03:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-07-11 11:14 pm (UTC)Where did you get the idea to force yourself to not be sad?
no subject
Date: 2021-07-11 11:21 pm (UTC)Oh! Is this because you're still doing that rhyming thing? [ then in that case, she probably doesn't need to text back, right? ]
Mmmm...a lot of places, I guess! But...I don't like crying all the time and making everyone else mad because of it! And I can't even help with anything, if I'm just sad all the time. So I fixed it!
no subject
Date: 2021-07-11 11:44 pm (UTC)Things would have been a lot easier for me if I could've done that at home. But the idea of not being sad, of not crying for my father and my brother. It just feels wrong. Can't you see that?
no subject
Date: 2021-07-12 12:02 am (UTC)But I wanna help! I wanna help fix all this and stop people from getting murdered, instead of just crying when they do. I only ever mess things up and make people hate me, or think I can't handle doing anything to help.
And maybe they're right! If I'm not crying and ticking people off, I can focus on actually doing stuff! And...isn't that better, in the end? Finding a way to stop this?
no subject
Date: 2021-07-12 12:05 am (UTC)But that's not the Mabel that I became friends with. And no one's going to think you're strong for having done this. It's a shortcut.
no subject
Date: 2021-07-12 12:14 am (UTC)Well, maybe the Mabel you became friends with was a bad person!
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Date: 2021-07-12 12:27 am (UTC)I wouldn't be friends with someone who was bad! And do you think I'm weak for still being sad!?
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Date: 2021-07-12 12:53 am (UTC)It's the being so sad I can't help anyone do anything and make everyone else hate me instead that's the problem!
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Date: 2021-07-12 12:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-07-12 01:14 am (UTC)Mabel...doesn't know what to do with that.
By this point, she hates the parts of herself that are so sensitive, so quick to act on emotion and nothing else, and she's glad to be free of them...but she can't bring herself to see those same things negatively in Tsuyukusa.
Emotionally, she's going haywire now. She has no idea what she's feeling. But her voice is weak when she tries to protest-- ]
It's...i-it's not the same.
no subject
Date: 2021-07-12 01:51 am (UTC)After a long moment, he composes himself.]
I'm not saying I don't understand your impulse. But you saw how everyone reacted, right? No one wanted you to have done that.
no subject
Date: 2021-07-12 02:16 am (UTC)she groans and drags her hands down her face, frustration starting to stand out a little more prominently against the backdrop of absolute emotional confusion. ]
I don't get it! Me being sad was a problem for everyone! Now me not being sad is a problem too?!
no subject
Date: 2021-07-12 02:20 am (UTC)Did everyone SAY it was a problem?
And if you hadn't been able to be sad last week, who would have defended Caiman?
no subject
Date: 2021-07-12 02:29 am (UTC)Well it's not like it mattered anyway, did it?!
[ then she immediately recoils, oozing guilt. she didn't mean to snap. she scrubs at her face to calm down, but the frustration rises again as she talks. Not at Tsuyukusa--at herself. ]
...Caiman was gonna get voted for and killed no matter what. All I did was make people angrier before they did the thing they were always going to do.
no subject
Date: 2021-07-12 02:34 am (UTC)Don't you think it mattered to Caiman?
no subject
Date: 2021-07-12 02:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-07-12 02:58 am (UTC)