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[ she shrugs. Like, maybe? Crying over dead friends IS pretty normal, but... ]
But I wanna help! I wanna help fix all this and stop people from getting murdered, instead of just crying when they do. I only ever mess things up and make people hate me, or think I can't handle doing anything to help.
And maybe they're right! If I'm not crying and ticking people off, I can focus on actually doing stuff! And...isn't that better, in the end? Finding a way to stop this?
But I wanna help! I wanna help fix all this and stop people from getting murdered, instead of just crying when they do. I only ever mess things up and make people hate me, or think I can't handle doing anything to help.
And maybe they're right! If I'm not crying and ticking people off, I can focus on actually doing stuff! And...isn't that better, in the end? Finding a way to stop this?
hmmm
rita DOES have a lot of stuff whenever we empty our pockets at trials...
but i don't know how many of them actually count as IMPORTANT
maybe lucretia's staff...that sounds pretty important
and if we return it real quick maybe she won't get too mad about it!
rita DOES have a lot of stuff whenever we empty our pockets at trials...
but i don't know how many of them actually count as IMPORTANT
maybe lucretia's staff...that sounds pretty important
and if we return it real quick maybe she won't get too mad about it!
[Oh but damn if he doesn't understand the feeling!! He sighs deeply, picking up his cup to take another sip if only for the distraction.]
But that's not the Mabel that I became friends with. And no one's going to think you're strong for having done this. It's a shortcut.
But that's not the Mabel that I became friends with. And no one's going to think you're strong for having done this. It's a shortcut.
[ now, normally, this would make Mabel upset. she might start to cry. but all of those feeling receptors have been shut off, and there's nowhere for her mind to go now but anger. ]
Well, maybe the Mabel you became friends with was a bad person!
Well, maybe the Mabel you became friends with was a bad person!
No!! It's not--it's not the being sad that's the problem!
It's the being so sad I can't help anyone do anything and make everyone else hate me instead that's the problem!
It's the being so sad I can't help anyone do anything and make everyone else hate me instead that's the problem!
[ ...oh. that's right, isn't it. when they went on that invest together at the start of all this and couldn't find anything. the way he keeps getting mad and starting arguments in trial. it really is the same thing, isn't it?
Mabel...doesn't know what to do with that.
By this point, she hates the parts of herself that are so sensitive, so quick to act on emotion and nothing else, and she's glad to be free of them...but she can't bring herself to see those same things negatively in Tsuyukusa.
Emotionally, she's going haywire now. She has no idea what she's feeling. But her voice is weak when she tries to protest-- ]
It's...i-it's not the same.
Mabel...doesn't know what to do with that.
By this point, she hates the parts of herself that are so sensitive, so quick to act on emotion and nothing else, and she's glad to be free of them...but she can't bring herself to see those same things negatively in Tsuyukusa.
Emotionally, she's going haywire now. She has no idea what she's feeling. But her voice is weak when she tries to protest-- ]
It's...i-it's not the same.
[Thank god for emotionshare, honestly, because it's the only thing that keeps him from snapping at her more. Instead, he makes a face, but then turns away, trying to calm down. Mabel is scared, she's trying to help the same as him, only to find herself mostly unable.
After a long moment, he composes himself.]
I'm not saying I don't understand your impulse. But you saw how everyone reacted, right? No one wanted you to have done that.
After a long moment, he composes himself.]
I'm not saying I don't understand your impulse. But you saw how everyone reacted, right? No one wanted you to have done that.
[ mabel can't cry but know that i, lisa, definitely am. in the club.
she groans and drags her hands down her face, frustration starting to stand out a little more prominently against the backdrop of absolute emotional confusion. ]
I don't get it! Me being sad was a problem for everyone! Now me not being sad is a problem too?!
she groans and drags her hands down her face, frustration starting to stand out a little more prominently against the backdrop of absolute emotional confusion. ]
I don't get it! Me being sad was a problem for everyone! Now me not being sad is a problem too?!
[ a sudden sharp burst of anger: ]
Well it's not like it mattered anyway, did it?!
[ then she immediately recoils, oozing guilt. she didn't mean to snap. she scrubs at her face to calm down, but the frustration rises again as she talks. Not at Tsuyukusa--at herself. ]
...Caiman was gonna get voted for and killed no matter what. All I did was make people angrier before they did the thing they were always going to do.
Well it's not like it mattered anyway, did it?!
[ then she immediately recoils, oozing guilt. she didn't mean to snap. she scrubs at her face to calm down, but the frustration rises again as she talks. Not at Tsuyukusa--at herself. ]
...Caiman was gonna get voted for and killed no matter what. All I did was make people angrier before they did the thing they were always going to do.
[UGGHHH HE IS SO MAD!! He is so frustrated!! And it's not like he doesn't understand what Mabel is saying but it just makes him mad at himself because he KNOWS he does this sort of logic too. And seeing it from outside it's so obviously stupid.]
Don't you think it mattered to Caiman?
Don't you think it mattered to Caiman?
I don't know! Does it even matter now?!
[ a few minutes after that last message: ]
i'm here
i'm here
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